Sunday, July 28, 2013

Weekend gray areas.

During the school year, I (like every other working professional on the planet) look forward to the weekend. During the summer when looking for a job however, the weekends become a mixed bag. You see, the great thing about weekends in the summer is you can make plans for fun things to do, just like during the school year. The not so good thing is, that is usually when a school will tell you they will have their decision made about whether or not to hire you.

I was feeling particularly glum this Friday when I realized it was past school hours, and I hadn't heard from a school I really wanted to teach at. My wonderful boyfriend reminded me as soon as I realized this, "God has other plans for you." I have been told this before by many different people. I really wish that was automatically where my mind went after being rejected by a school, but I am not as strong in those moments as I'd like to be. Not five minutes after that, I got called by another school for an interview on Tuesday. He's right. All hope is not lost. God's got this.

I didn't let the news ruin my Friday. I got to hang out with my boyfriend and one of his friends, and go to a Drum Core International competition in Tennessee. I'm a choir girl with the best of them, but I really enjoyed the band competition. It was like any high school marching band performance....on steroids. I loved it. I got a lot of laughs in with the boys and managed to enjoy myself in spite of my current joblessness.

Then came Saturday. It was going pretty great. I got to hang out with the boyfriend all day. He and I had just gotten materials for making supper, and he was starting to fix it when I got another call from another school. The school is located 3.5 hours away, and they wanted me there on Monday afternoon for an interview. I told the principal that I needed a minute to go over logistics, so he gave me his cell number and I hung up. Immediately, I was falling apart. I have never once turned down an interview. Part of me felt like, if I got offered an interview then it was God's will for me to interview there. The stress of how to get there overwhelmed me. The idea of packing up and leaving for a place so far away where I knew no one yet again, made me sick to my stomach. Then I remembered something. God doesn't want me to do something for Him if I see it as sacrifice. Maybe it's not the most wise decision, but I called the principal back and told him that I couldn't take the interview. I knew that I would be wasting both of our times, because even if I went, my heart would not be in it. I would not be an effective teacher if I was left alone and heartbroken 3.5 hours away from all the people I care about. The students of that school do not need a teacher who is 3.5 hours away in her mind, even though she is right there in the classroom with them.

Throughout this little crisis, my boyfriend was present. At first he was like me, "Take any interview you're offered." While it was possible to make it to the interview and back before my interview on Monday, after I explained to him how my heart probably wouldn't be in the interview, he agreed that it was probably a waste of time. I really appreciate him encouraging me to go. He knows that at least part of my view of being successful is having a job. There are more important things to me than a job. These important things include my boyfriend, but also my church, my friends, and my sanity. You can't put a price on being with the people you love.

I have had people older than me (by 5 years to 40 years) tell me that they have no idea how I do it. Being fired every year. Madly dashing around trying to find a job, and yet still not knowing until a few weeks or less before school starts. During my little crisis, I asked my boyfriend this question, even though I knew the answer, "Have you ever had to just pick up and leave everyone you hold dear and move before?" The answer was, "No, but I can imagine how hard it would be." It is hard. It is especially difficult for a woman who likes to plan and know what she's getting into. The picking up and moving to Hopkinsville two years ago, all the pain and the aggravation, brought me to all the things I don't want to leave today. I know that good things can come from change, and yet I still rebel against it. I am not perfect. I don't have to be Superwoman.

On my way home from the boyfriend's after dinner, we were riding in the car and the song "Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns came on the radio. The chorus really spoke to me:

"And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"

My lovely boyfriend got me home, and I sat down to my computer for the first time in about 24 hours. I had a message from a friend saying there was an opening at her school, which happens to be in this county, and she had given my name to the principal. So I have an interview coming up on Tuesday in Owensboro, and I may get an interview with this school. I still have a ton of opportunities waiting for me...brilliantly disguised as impossible situations. 

And now it is Sunday. This weekend so far has been a roller coaster, and it's barely halfway over. I find it hard not to be apprehensive about what is coming in the next couple weeks. I just have to remember "God has other plans for you." 

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