Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Mobile

Everything's changin' when I turn aroundAll out of my control, I'm a mobileEverything's changin' when I turn aroundAll out of my control, I'm a mobile
-"Mobile" Avril Lavigne

I am probably one of the least flexible people you will ever meet. I'm not talking about being unable to touch my toes. I've got that down pat. I'm talking about my ability to let my life go however it wants to go, and not try to control it. I'm a control freak. 
My lease is up in 30 days basically, and I don't know if I can renew it or not. You better believe that makes me nuts. I haven't a clue if I will have a job that will allow me to keep my apartment or not. If I move in with my friend, will I have to find a home for my cat? I don't know what I'd do without Ms. Flo. She's awesome. How can someone ask a crazy cat lady in training to give up her kitty? 
I don't know if I can volunteer to do anything at church. I was asked if I wanted to be a lay reader. I'd love to, but I don't know if I'm going to be here or not. I was also asked if my boyfriend and I wanted to join their small group. Yet again, I'd love to, but I have no idea if I'll be able to do it. I don't even know if I should start going to choir practice in August, because I don't know if I'll be able to actually be in our choir. It really is making me sad to think I may not get to sing with those lovely people again. 
God is teaching me something. Something about letting go, and just going with it. I have an interview tomorrow at a school that would help keep me from moving, however, I'm afraid to get my hopes up again. I'm praying for peace and guidance, as I have been for the past four months since learning I was pink-slipped again. I have friends who say that I'll know in God's time and not my own. I know that's the truth, but it still makes me restless and impatient. I shouldn't conform to this world, but unfortunately I live in the world. The world comes with deadlines like lease dates and school starts. God's really cutting it close, and it's giving me gray hairs (that my boyfriend insists are blonde). 

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