Simplicity for me has always been the key to happiness. Keep your needs and wants simple, and life will be comfortable and non-threatening. I like things simple. While I can be a dramatic person at times I guess, I really prefer to know exactly where I stand at all times, and what I'm doing. Right now I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. To assuage my confusion, I've been trying to keep myself busy. Last year I was so busy being awkward, that I didn't really find a church that I felt comfortable in. In January I started church choir, at First Christian Church here in town, and that helped me find a group I'm comfortable with. Everyone is always amazingly supportive of me being in the choir and the church in general. I really don't believe that I deserve half the praise I get. They say they can hear my voice in the choir, and I was always taught to blend. It's about worshiping God. It's not a Ms. G solo.
Speaking of solo, I'm used to trying out for solos. They've never just been handed to me. We got handed a new piece of music a couple weeks ago, and the choir director asked after we sang through it for me to look at the solo. I was embarrassed. What if someone else wanted it? Instead, everyone was like, "Oh, that'll be pretty." I know that church choir should not be as cutthroat as college or high school choir, but it was still weird. It's a kind of pressure I'm not used to having with my singing. We're also singing songs with notes in them that I can hit, but no other soprano in the choir can comfortably sing. Now the notes are high enough that on an off day, I could possibly screw them up. I'm a little apprehensive about my high A solo notes. I feel like a show off every time I sing them. I know that that's part of being younger and not in my 70's, but it makes me feel slightly singled out. I'm like a reluctant Rachel Berry (Not that I think I'm even close to as good as Lea Michelle.).
For the last few weeks I've decided to help with the children's choir at church. I was always getting there too early anyway. Ms. A who runs the program, jokes that she's too nice with them, so it's good to have extra hands. They are the sweetest kids in the world, and I've quickly become attached to them. Normally little kids don't pull on my heartstrings like they do. Does this mean my biological clock is ticking? I've been talking about parenting advice with some of my friends lately, and I'm like, "Why do I suddenly seem to think people care what a single, 23 year old woman has as parenting advice?" I've always liked kids, but this is a new and different feeling. Definitely a change I wasn't expecting.
Other things have changed since Christmas too. I finished teaching Civics, and I have begun teaching Economics. Economics is a lot more math than I've generally been comfortable with teaching. None of the math is too hard for me, but I know from personal experience as a student that not every teacher can teach math. I really appreciate the challenge of it, but I know it gets on my students' nerves when I kind of bungle my way through a lesson. My poor first period gets the brunt of my experimenting. It's hard to maintain good classroom management when you are busy learning how to teach the material. Usually content knowledge has been my strength that all observers (even my tough KTIP mentor) can agree upon. I will be relieved if I get to teach the same classes next year, because then I'll have a year of teaching all these new classes under my belt.
A sort of new person has entered my life since January too. I say sort of, because I knew him before, but we didn't really talk, even though our friends tried otherwise. Anyway, this adds another interesting, complicated situation to my life though I won't go into detail here. Some things have to remain sacred, right? Anyway, I try not to think too much about getting pink slipped, and having to leave here anymore. It's too complicated to think about. As much as I like simple, there is nothing that I want to cut from my life to make it more simple. Now I have to make sure that I write thing down to ensure I don't double book myself. I've thrown myself into new church activities, new experiences, and new subject matter. I know the changes have not even begun. It's wonderful, and slightly terrifying. I'm trying very hard to just roll with the changes, and not try to control everything. The other day I came up with this saying, "God's been planning things for over 2000 years, why don't I let him do the planning?" So far his plans are pretty interesting.