Thursday, July 5, 2012

His will, not mine.

I'll admit to being a control freak when it comes to running my life. As soon as I found out I didn't get the job that I interviewed today I went about printing off sample question for me to practice, and sample questions for me to ask my interviewers. I want the job I'm interviewing for tomorrow, and I am doing what I can to get it.

It is just as hard to accept that maybe I'm not supposed to get it. That perhaps I am fighting what God wants, but regardless, I believe that God will get what he wants in spite of what I try to do. Maybe I got tongue tied in today's interview to make me realize what I needed to work on for tomorrow's interview. Maybe not. It is not in my nature to let things happen as they occur.

This past Sunday I attended Shiner Church of Christ. The minister mentioned how we often follow sayings that aren't really from the Bible. For example, "God helps those who help themselves." That is not in the Bible anywhere. You can check me on that, but It's not there. I believe it does say something about helping others, but I don't think it says anything about helping yourself. Perhaps I'm not helping myself though. Without God, I am nothing. When you are baptized you become dead in Christ and are reborn in Christ.

I guess it is not my place to know what's to become of me. I'm going to have to trust and know that God is in control of my life, whether I like it or not right now. It's scary knowing I could wind up five hours away, not knowing a soul like I did when I moved to Hopkinsville almost a year ago. Those were not easy months for me. One thing I do know is that I somehow survived it, and came out if not better, completely changed.

Another one of those "sayings" that is so called from the Bible is, "God will never give you anything you can't handle." The fact is I am incapable of handling anything without God. That other phrase is not in the Bible anywhere. Instead it is said that, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I know there were several times this year when I wanted to throw in the towel and give up. I struggled greatly with my faith, my career, and my convictions. It took me a long me a long time to feel at home here in Hopkinsville. I wouldn't have made it through without a lot of prayer.

So even though I haven't finished analyzing every question on that list, and even though I am apprehensive about the results of my interview tomorrow. I am going to bed. I refuse to let myself worry about it, because that's not going to help me. All I can ask is for the continued prayers from my lovely friends, and the continued comfort of my God to guide me where he wants me.


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