A little less than three years ago today, a guy proposed to me. Okay, no names need to be said. This isn't some crazy blog about written by a crazy ex girlfriend ranting that her douche bag ex ruined her life. A unfulfilled proposal did not ruin my life, but it did change it.
For along time, I had trouble accepting it. It gave me confidence issues. Issues that were already there if I had admitted to them. Instead of embracing these issues, I fought them. I pretended not to care, when I really did. It made me bitter, resentful, and catty. For a good year, I could not talk to my ex without fighting.
I don't know what happened the end of Junior year though. Somehow I felt, as we sat at Graduation (next to each other for some crazy reason), that we were okay again. It was as if the crazy witch (most people would use a different term) inside of me had finally subsided. I guess a part of me realized that we were going to be seniors, and that wasting our friendship for a whole year fighting was silly and childish.
As immature as our relationship had been, we had planned "our day" to be 11/11/11 at 11:11 PM (Lmbo, like 12 billion other people.). None of it was set in stone. I was too afraid to tell my family I wanted to marry a guy within a month of starting to date him. (That should have been a big neon warning sign right there.) So we were waiting.
So as 11:11PM on 11/11/11 just passed a few minutes ago, I am reminded to be careful what you might wish for because you think what you wanted was so great.
Strangely enough, I didn't think about the day at all until I was sitting at a really boring meeting this afternoon thinking about all the things I'd rather be doing right then. Then I realized that I'd be prepping for my wedding in some messed up alternate reality, and I realized that it definitely wasn't what I would rather be doing. I'd rather sit through fifty ACT prep meetings rather than marry the wrong guy. I realized how lucky he and I were not to get stuck with each other as young as we are, when it was so ill-fated.
I realize that I'm happy grading papers, getting cussed out by random students, and being teased by my senior teachers. I have a new life, a new purpose, and a new perspective. God has blessed me with a job, children to teach (Even if it's challenging.), and people from which to learn (Albeit some of them are just teaching about the Illuminati).
Here's a quote I find particularly inspiring from Sex and the City:
"Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn’t one occasion where people celebrate you … Hallmark doesn’t make a “congratulations, you didn’t marry the wrong guy” card. And where’s the flatware for going on vacation alone?"-Carrie Bradshaw
Here's the consolation prize Carrie. You didn't marry the wrong guy,
and you got your Mr. Big in the end. What could be better? If I don't
get my Mr. Big well, there's always THE Mr. Big, more commonly
referred to as God. :)
And on that note: Goodnight.